A Smile To Start Your Day
Posted Mar 30 2017 - 10:42 AM
At one of their presentations in Germany a man in the crowd stood up and asked Mr. Clark, “Sir, you travel world with your wife continuously at your side. In fact, you two are never ever seen apart from one another. Tell us, what is your secret to your long happy marriage?”
Mr. Clark looks at the man and says,” it beats kissing her good-bye.”.
Posted Mar 30 2017 - 12:01 PM
Couple on 50 years golden wedding,decided to go back to the same town,same hotel,same room on the same day of their marriage,50 years ago.
While in their room,the wife said "Darling do you remember that night,you bit me on the neck,on the shoulder and on the breast.
The husband then quickly got out of the bed and went to the bathroom.
Wife- "What are you doing"
Husband- "Getting my teeth"
Edited by twinpotter, Mar 30 2017 - 12:33 PM.
Posted Mar 30 2017 - 03:06 PM
A woman went to a pet shop and
immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
“Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
“Look, I need to tell you that this bird used to live
in a house of prostitution, and
sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to
have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s
cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
“New house, new madam.”
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought “that’s really not so bad.”
When her two teenage daughters returned from school,
the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then
began to laugh about the situation considering how and
where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,
Posted Mar 30 2017 - 04:04 PM
Couple go on holiday to Bangkok.On the last day there,the wife says to her husband "I'm going out shopping for a few hours,you go and lose yourself for awhile"
So the husband thinks and decides to visit the massage parlor,just around the corner.Knocking on the door a lovely little women opens up and says "Yes Sir,what can I do for you"
Husband- "I would like a massage please,how much will it be"
Women- "A thousand dollars Sir"
Husband- "A thousand dollars,no I am sorry, two hundred is all I can afford"
Women- "Sorry sir but a thousand is our price,so you'll have to go somewhere else"
The Husband thinks about it,walks off and then says to himself,I'll forget it and not bother.So off he goes to meet his wife at the appointed time.While on the way back,to the hotel,with his wife,the women from the parlor comes walking towards them,the opposite way.Looks at his wife,then him and says "There you go,see what you get for 200 dollars"
Posted Mar 31 2017 - 07:55 AM
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married'.
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.
'Good,' she replied, 'Get your own !"£$ing blanket!'
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Admins please remove if content offends...
Posted Mar 31 2017 - 11:50 AM
Soldier,first day in the army. Captain approaches him and says "Welcome soldier.Want you to get to know us,us to get to know you. Monday evening,we're having a thrash in the mess,with plenty of drinking.Make sure you get yourself down"
Soldier- "Sorry Sir,but I don't drink"
Captain- "No worries,Wednesday night,were having another get together,in the mess,with some girls,coming up,from the local village. You know,a bit of slap n tickle.Get yourself down"
Soldier- "Sorry Sir,but I don't agree with that sort of thing"
Captain- then Looks at the soldier and says "You don't mind me asking,but your not a queer,are you"
Soldier- "Certainly not sir"
Captain- "I guess then, you won't be interested in Saturday night either"
Edited by twinpotter, Mar 31 2017 - 12:58 PM.
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